someday ..
someday we’ll know if love can really move mountains . someday we’ll know why the sky’s really blue , and someday we’ll know why i wasn’t meant for you .
nothing has ever hurt this much. there was always the pain that i knew i would be gone from you one day. there was the pain where you held me which seemed closer during our last hug than ever before. theres the pain of the memories i still remember of how close we were to being something..and now all we talk about is nothing. i want to come home so bad because i have never in my life been so upset that i cry a bit everynight sitting on the beach looking at the water confirming to myself that if given the chance i would give it up in an instant just to be the way we were again. and i want to come home so bad but i know it wont be the same at all. i want to be near you and even just to see you again would make me smile for the first time since i had to leave. you have no idea how much i miss you and i wonder if you think about me as much as i think of you.
we havent talked in sooo long and oddly i havent thought about it that much . i miss you but the pain has been eased. i think its because if the pain of missing you was the same amount as when you were close but gone for a short time, i would never get through it because this distance between us is to a whole new level. but today for the first time i was sitting outside and our song came on and it stabbed me right through the chest. i remebered the first time i heard it and remembered the last time i heard it when we were leaving each other. 3 minutes later , i got the first message from you in the past week . i miss having you around all the time and i think i am starting to be okay with just being friends, i just wish i had realized that before now. maybe things could have been different. i miss you .
i hate dramatic people that cry over nothing. and today, i cried about leaving you. so i know you mean a lot to me. this is the summer i was looking forward to since september, and now i actually wouldnt mind another year without a break for summer if it meant getting to spend it all with you. i ask for another day with you… why didnt i think of that yesterday? i want another week, im a week to late. and to ask for another year with you, just means i’ve had such great memories with you that i can’t stand the fact of leaving. i dont even know where we stand as to what kind of closure we should be having. so like you say, plan for tomorrow cause yesterday was already written, thats what i’m doing. laying here, trying to figure out what will happen tomorrow, and trying to plan every step that i would nooot like to happen and say thats what i want because so far everything lately has been the opposite of what was hoped for.. i dont want to leave you and im dying inside.
why does nothing ever go like i planned it to? wish i had a do-over for just this week.
